Well its Christmas Eve...no tree, no presents, no santa. Kinda sad and boring but eh not so bad. Definitely missing family. Heart is empty.

Today was way better for Jessie! Can't say the same for Larry and I. Not looking to good for us right now. I don't know why...it's a mystery.

Well yesterday now was my kiddo's b-day and it was a complete disaster! Turning 15 should be a great milestone. So much for that. Luv you baby boy!

Sad Days

Sad days around here. Jessie lost a good friend. Chris Campbell. Took his own life on monday. Jessie is feeling a lot guilt but we are praying for the family.

The beginning

So it's the beginning of December. So far this year of 2010 has completely bombed. I can not wait until a new year begins. I hope for a new beginning. Not only for me, but for so many people that I love and care for. So many losses, so many hurtful things. I can't say that it has ALL been bad. I would like to try to focus on some of the good, but how can you do that when the bad out weighs the good. So much drama with external, maternal family. I think they have all gone bonkers or they have always been that way and am just now figuring that out. My dad and that family have been terrific. I love them all. They couldn't have stepped back into my life at any better time. I am so thankful for the positive people that I am surrounded by everyday. I sometimes wonder if that is enough though. I try to keep my head up and stay lifted. It's just too damn hard to keep it that way all the time. I love being who I am yet at times being so many different people at once is so damn complicated. I am challenged by so many things inside myself let alone all the other things going on outside. There is so much drama sometimes from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. Taking responsibility for things that you didn't do just to make that other person feel better. I am going to start taking over my life. It is mine right? I am supposed to live it the way I see fit? Raise my kids the way I see fit! I am not going to allow people to make me feel bad, make me feel like I'm in trouble. Tell me how I am always doing things the wrong way. I am old enough to be happy with the family that my husband and I created. The family that we hold near and dear to our hearts. I know it's December and resolutions aren't supposed to be started until January 1st, but I see nothing wrong with starting one now. My New Year resolution is to live life to the fullest, stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, begin losing weight for my health, and to love large and strong. Yup, that looks like a great new beginning for me. Ahhh that feels fantastic!!!!!