Summer Days

This summer seems to be dragging on forever. Not that I don't like summer. So far nothing exciting has happened. It just seems like we make great plans and then they get shot down as fast as we make them. We have made plans to go to Lagoon in Farmington, UT. Also, I don't know how many times we have planned to go float the Green River and we get slammed because either it is too fast, too full, raining or just not a good day. We so bad want to go camping but then again the weather plays a big part in that. My cabin fever is really starting to take over and that may be turning into a very bad thing. We have done a lot of work around the house and have accomplished alot to make things look better around here, but I think we are done with all that. We are so ready to play. It is time to take our summer back! Even my boys are starting to feel the pressure of just hanging around. When that starts to happen then they start fighting and bickering. My husband really needs a break, you can definitely tell with him. He is very groucy!!! I am going to make it my goal to make sure my family starts having fun starting today. The plans for Lagoon are going to happen over the 4th of July and we are going to go visit my best friend and my son Jessie, can't wait to see him. Then after that hopefully I will get to take a quick trip to Cheyenne with a friend to take her home only for me to see another friend that I haven't seen in ages. That is so exciting. We also have plans to go through Yellowstone National Park and Thermopolis and come home. I have never been to either place and I think it would be a great educational trip for my kids. My husband likes to look and pan for gold so maybe he would have a good time too. Oh so many things and never enough time or enough money to the things you want to do. I just hope that I can spend as much time outside as I can with my family and friends. Hope we all have a great and eventful summer.

Trials and Tribulations of Jessie

Well it is the wee morning of the day of court for my loving Jessie. I was able to pick him up from the youth home today for a day visit and it turned out to be an overnighter. He is so scared and so worried about what is going to happen to him and our family. I have tried to reassure him that no matter what happens, I will always be here for him. All we know so far is that it is a revocation of his probation and he will have to plea guilty or not. We aren't even sure of the charges yet and we won't know until we actually get to court. We did a little shopping today. He is growing so much that he needed some new things to wear so we went clothes shopping and that is one of his favorite things to do. As the evening wore on I think he started to realize that he really misses home and us as a whole. I can tell you I absolutely miss him. He also called the night before almost in a frantic he had to tell me something. Was so special it made me cry. My grandmother passed away 5 years ago and she was a very special lady. Her and Jessie had a connection that only those two could have. It was crushing when she passed and it still hurts. As he starts to tell me this story I could just smile, cry and listen. He told me that he had attended an outside concert with the group from the youth home. As he was listening to the band play their music, which happened to be the nice old country music like grandma or GG as my son put it, liked to listen to. He was listening to the words of the song and he says he felt someone touch his shoulder and give him a little squeeze. Now I have to tell you something, my son doesn't like to be touched by other people it completely invades his space also he is sensitive to touch. So I know that my son is not lieing to me when he says he felt someone give him a comforting squeeze on his right shoulder. He said at first it scared him until he realized who it was. Of course nobody was standing by him and he immediately told me that his GG had come to him to give him that loving squeeze that she had always done to him. It made him feel good about the things that are going on in his life. I just told him that she would always be looking after him no matter what he did. He agreed and said that when she was still with us she had always told him that no matter what it was if it was serious that she would be there for him. Unfortunately in March of this year we lost grandpa too. Jessie says that he knows they are both happy now and that GG would always take care of him. Man I love this kid. Now as you know I have 3 boys, but sometimes in a mother and child's relationship one will need mom more than the others. Right now Jessie has just weighed alot on my mind and my soul. He is such a great kid, I wish that things were better for him. I am not sure how much of his attitude and other things he can really handle or control. He tries so hard most days that he is exhausted by the end of the day because he had to try so hard to keep it together. I will never make excuses for my children. They have all been taught right and wrong and they all know better. I will always be there for them. I hate that I have to watch one of them right now go through the trials and tribulations of life so young. My boy it will be ok and no matter what happens you have special people all around you no matter how far or close they are. You have placed a wonderful thing in so many peoples hearts I just wished that you knew how much. Good night and God Bless, GG and Gpa!

A wonderful day!!

I had the almost perfect day on the 14th. My kids and I attended a special birthday party for a very special young lady who has turned 7! We had cupcakes and I watched my "Friend's" 3 beautiful daughters play! I have just started to get to know them even though my friend and I have been friends since 1992. We lost each other for a little while, but I am so glad and fulfilled in so many ways that we have found each other again. Her and I have missed out on so many things in each other's lives. I was so honored to be a part of their special day. I hope to attend many more with them and those beautiful "girlies" of hers. They have all touched my heart so much all ready. I love them all. Happy Birthday Kaylee!

Trials and Tribulations of Jessie

I have a 13 year old son, Jessie, he is an amazing young man. He has had a pretty rough start. He is many things...loving, mean, caring, beautiful, vulgar, peaceful, violent, most of all my son. I guess I should give some explanation to the words I used to describe my son. I say good and bad things about him, because that is really what he is all about. Jessie has been diagnosed with everything under the sun and moon. Since he was born he has always had a problem with life, is how I want to say it. Of course he was a beautiful baby, but he didn't bond with me. If I walked in the room where he was he would scream! No Joke! He did that until he was about 6 months old. Then he was attached to me like glue, I couldn't get rid of him not even for 10 minutes. The so called specialists call this "reactive disassociative disorder". That is the first diagnosis. As he gets a little older he learns how to walk and talk and be cute, but we notice that he is clumsy and a little more hyper than most kids or he has little mood swings at the age of 3 yrs. He went with his dad on a little trip downtown and when they got back Larry literally threw him in my lap and said, "you better do something with this kid before I hurt him!" As he continues to tell me what had happened I become appalled and worried because our 3 yr old just spit in his dad's face and told him to f-off! I immediately called the pediatrician and made an appointment and because Jessie was so young all they could do was put him on Ritalin and say good luck with that. Jessie started pre-school at the CDC here and they came up with something else for my young child. He now also has Sensory Intergration Disorder along with the first diag. and the ADHD. The SID was the most interesting one. His little body was being overloaded by his senses because they were working overtime. Like a baby does when they are learning so fast in the first few months of their lives. All of his 5 senses work double time. Not like you or I. If we go to the store or somewhere there are alot of people or things going on I have to give him a sucker or piece of gum so just his sense of taste is working and the others are at bay for a while. As the years move on Jessie is functioning ok. He is taking his Ritalin but for some reason he is acting out more and more the older he gets. One day when he was about 9 yrs old he absolutely abused his older brother my son Tieler. I was so upset, I didn't know where or what to do. I just knew that Jessie needed help beyond what I could continue to give him. I immediately drove over to DFS and reported him to their office as an abuse charge. The case worker was a wonderful man. He totally understood that Jessie absolutely needed help and Wyoming did not have a facility for such a young kid at the time, not even the Youth Home. I relunctantly took him home and within 15 min. I received a phone call from DFS case worker and he told me that as soon as we left a gentleman showed up and told him about a wonderful place in Montana that would take Jessie for observation and evalution. I was estatic. We packed him up and went to Montana. He spent 3 months in their facility. They gave him many diagnoses...bi-polar w/psychotic features, ADHD and everything I had already mentioned. He also came home with his very own pharmacy. That part really worried me. The meds were ridiculous. Since that time he has been in WBI, Casper and many medications twice. I took it upon myself to take him to a local psych and we did a med break when he was 11 1/2 yrs. He went almost 4 months with no meds, even started school with no meds and teachers didnt know. Then his attitude and moods started again and another diagnosis "Seasonal Effective Disorder" it affects him every 6 months. He doesn't get enough UVA and it makes him depressed. In all actuality it's a fancy name for "cabin fever". Since the med break he has done some pretty amazing things, and I am not talking positively. We finally got him on some light medication and it seemed to be working until he went to Junior High. He has ended up in the local Youth Home for one month and sent to court for two counts of disorderly conduct...throwing chairs, threating teachers, cussing, running from class. Also one count of Battery for kicking another child in the leg. His consequence was one year of supervised probation. He has so far completed 5 months. At school the teachers are soooo tired, they do not even write him up anymore because it's just not worth it to them. A week before school was out on the 21st on May he was in big trouble at school again and I had to go retrieve him. Well his probation officer was there, the school officer, and his ADAPS teacher was all present. They had decided that it was time to pull probation and place him in the Youth Home again. Also he has to go to court and explain to the judge why he didn't follow the rules. Since he has been in the Youth Home he been on what they call "sub-system" it's like being grounded. So 10 days of that already and that needs an explanation too. He also has 2 failing grades which is another violation. I just keep thinking when is it ever going to end and is my son ever going to act sociably acceptable? I love the way he smiles, the way he gives his loving hugs. He has the best laugh and the cutest jokes. His eyes you could get lost in forever. His court date is soon, and we might lose him for a short time to another facility for his bad behaviors. I just hope and pray that my boy, my beautiful son will be safe and can make it through his trials and tribulations. Love you my sweet sweet Boy!