Well its Christmas Eve...no tree, no presents, no santa. Kinda sad and boring but eh not so bad. Definitely missing family. Heart is empty.

Today was way better for Jessie! Can't say the same for Larry and I. Not looking to good for us right now. I don't know why...it's a mystery.

Well yesterday now was my kiddo's b-day and it was a complete disaster! Turning 15 should be a great milestone. So much for that. Luv you baby boy!

Sad Days

Sad days around here. Jessie lost a good friend. Chris Campbell. Took his own life on monday. Jessie is feeling a lot guilt but we are praying for the family.

The beginning

So it's the beginning of December. So far this year of 2010 has completely bombed. I can not wait until a new year begins. I hope for a new beginning. Not only for me, but for so many people that I love and care for. So many losses, so many hurtful things. I can't say that it has ALL been bad. I would like to try to focus on some of the good, but how can you do that when the bad out weighs the good. So much drama with external, maternal family. I think they have all gone bonkers or they have always been that way and am just now figuring that out. My dad and that family have been terrific. I love them all. They couldn't have stepped back into my life at any better time. I am so thankful for the positive people that I am surrounded by everyday. I sometimes wonder if that is enough though. I try to keep my head up and stay lifted. It's just too damn hard to keep it that way all the time. I love being who I am yet at times being so many different people at once is so damn complicated. I am challenged by so many things inside myself let alone all the other things going on outside. There is so much drama sometimes from saying the wrong thing at the wrong time or doing the wrong thing at the wrong time. Taking responsibility for things that you didn't do just to make that other person feel better. I am going to start taking over my life. It is mine right? I am supposed to live it the way I see fit? Raise my kids the way I see fit! I am not going to allow people to make me feel bad, make me feel like I'm in trouble. Tell me how I am always doing things the wrong way. I am old enough to be happy with the family that my husband and I created. The family that we hold near and dear to our hearts. I know it's December and resolutions aren't supposed to be started until January 1st, but I see nothing wrong with starting one now. My New Year resolution is to live life to the fullest, stop worrying about what everyone else thinks, begin losing weight for my health, and to love large and strong. Yup, that looks like a great new beginning for me. Ahhh that feels fantastic!!!!!

The Greatest...

Everybody has the greatest people in their lives. I happen to have a lot of very special people in my life at the moment, of course people change their roles in your life. I have been writing about Jessie. In December he turned 14 years old. He has matured so much it's absolutely amazing. He has been diagnosed with Asperger's Syndrome which is on the spectrum of Autism. Which in my previous writings I already knew. Now since all that had been settled he has been learning how to do the things he couldn't do. Like socializing, coping and dealing with just plain old day to day crisis. We as a family are so proud of him. He has been on two home visits since I last wrote. Both went great. His mental and physical transformation has been very extreme to the good. His discharge date has been set for March 29th. We are all so excited we are all counting down the days now. On to the next greatest one...My kiddo Tieler, he will be 16 yrs old tomorrow! This is one of those milestones that makes the mommies cry. You know like when your babies walk for the first time or the first day of school. Well this is one of those days for me. Tieler is an excellent teenager....not lieing. I really don't have to worry about him. I don't know why we were so blessed with such a great kid, because I know what his father and I were doing at his age! I am so excited for him to turn 16, I have so many great memories and I made life long friends at this age. I hope all the same for him. The next and the final for tonight is my best friend and paralell soul mate is my Tomodachi. I wrote way back in April about how we started talking again and being in each other's lives. Well we have done that and everything I hoped for has all happened. We picked up right where we left off. Like nothing ever happened. No time ever passed between us. Her girlies are the best, like my own little girlies. I love them all so much. My boys love her just as much. Never forgot who she was and always miss her when we are apart. I love that we are so close again. I know that whenever I need anything she is right there for me. Like things that only that one person you can talk to can do. We both have relief when we get to see each other. It's like all the stress and worries in our lives just run off our shoulders even if it's only just for a few hours for a couple days while we get to visit and hang out. We have also learned that we are only fingertips away....the phone. I have one more greatest....I have an amazing young girl in my life also. I don't have a daughter which most of you know. I do however have a young cousin that is close in age to my boys, Ashley is 15 and has been through some pretty grown up things in her life. She reminds me a lot of me at the same age. Ashley and I are very close even though our ages are so far apart. She talks to me about everything. You could say that she is one of my closest friends. She has the biggest heart for such a young lady. For everything that she has been through she is such a great kid. She is another one of those teenagers that a parent couldn't be more proud of. I know that I am very proud of her. I call her a young lady because that's what she is. She is MY young lady, Ashley! MY GREATEST......!