Trials and Tribulations of Jessie

Well it is the wee morning of the day of court for my loving Jessie. I was able to pick him up from the youth home today for a day visit and it turned out to be an overnighter. He is so scared and so worried about what is going to happen to him and our family. I have tried to reassure him that no matter what happens, I will always be here for him. All we know so far is that it is a revocation of his probation and he will have to plea guilty or not. We aren't even sure of the charges yet and we won't know until we actually get to court. We did a little shopping today. He is growing so much that he needed some new things to wear so we went clothes shopping and that is one of his favorite things to do. As the evening wore on I think he started to realize that he really misses home and us as a whole. I can tell you I absolutely miss him. He also called the night before almost in a frantic he had to tell me something. Was so special it made me cry. My grandmother passed away 5 years ago and she was a very special lady. Her and Jessie had a connection that only those two could have. It was crushing when she passed and it still hurts. As he starts to tell me this story I could just smile, cry and listen. He told me that he had attended an outside concert with the group from the youth home. As he was listening to the band play their music, which happened to be the nice old country music like grandma or GG as my son put it, liked to listen to. He was listening to the words of the song and he says he felt someone touch his shoulder and give him a little squeeze. Now I have to tell you something, my son doesn't like to be touched by other people it completely invades his space also he is sensitive to touch. So I know that my son is not lieing to me when he says he felt someone give him a comforting squeeze on his right shoulder. He said at first it scared him until he realized who it was. Of course nobody was standing by him and he immediately told me that his GG had come to him to give him that loving squeeze that she had always done to him. It made him feel good about the things that are going on in his life. I just told him that she would always be looking after him no matter what he did. He agreed and said that when she was still with us she had always told him that no matter what it was if it was serious that she would be there for him. Unfortunately in March of this year we lost grandpa too. Jessie says that he knows they are both happy now and that GG would always take care of him. Man I love this kid. Now as you know I have 3 boys, but sometimes in a mother and child's relationship one will need mom more than the others. Right now Jessie has just weighed alot on my mind and my soul. He is such a great kid, I wish that things were better for him. I am not sure how much of his attitude and other things he can really handle or control. He tries so hard most days that he is exhausted by the end of the day because he had to try so hard to keep it together. I will never make excuses for my children. They have all been taught right and wrong and they all know better. I will always be there for them. I hate that I have to watch one of them right now go through the trials and tribulations of life so young. My boy it will be ok and no matter what happens you have special people all around you no matter how far or close they are. You have placed a wonderful thing in so many peoples hearts I just wished that you knew how much. Good night and God Bless, GG and Gpa!